Friday 6 September 2013

T.S. Eliot was a Wuss!!

T.S. Eliot wrote that 'April is the cruellest month'  but then he didn't work offshore.  If he had then he might have known that September (or possibly October) was far more cruel!

I have previously written about how much the Shutdown season was like the football season (whatever-happened-to-intertoto-cup?) in that it never really leaves you alone, no matter how hard you try to ignore it.  Having got home from the 'Mahabarat' style, never-ending saga of the Franklin Shutdown I received the call on Tuesday that my services were required on board the Anasuria FPSO (a-useful-glossary-of-terms).

Very cruel as we were undergoing the last rites of the English school summer holidays and I was actually in the cinema with my 8 Year old when the phone rang. Still! 5 whole days off!!

The whole thing feels rather surreal, most Scottish kids having been back at school for a while now and even most English schoolchildren will have started before mine (at least if that most 'reliable' of evidences - Anecdotal - is to be believed), the grass verges are awash with spent Dandelion clocks and the weather is still clinging to the dying embers of the Summer (for most).  But the sheer fact is Summer is properly OVER!

Yet still, the spectre of Shutdown season is far from done with us mere mortals...Upon visiting the office to pick up the job file and have our pre-job safety meeting I was alarmed to learn of all the outstanding work we have still to do.
Added to this mix of general downbeatness there was the looming shadow of 'Oil Week' in Aberdeen.  Oil Week is a seven day long (most weeks are) 'jolly' during which Aberdeen is visited by anyone who has ever picked up a spanner or seemingly Googled 'Oil'...

Because of the jolly boys in suits spectacle of Oil Week I was forced to travel up the very evening I learned of the upcoming job (flights being full the following morning) but fortunately my company had the foresight to retain its own lodgings.  A very reasonable establishment that is rather too near the 'golden mile' of Union Street.  The only real downside to this set-up is that it is near the centre of town and thus not really very convenient for any workers (with our base of operations being next to the airport) but then what's a 20 quid taxi ride between frenemies?!

That was not any real problem, no, the main reason this set-up didn't exactly work for me was when I rang to book a taxi to take me back out to the airport for my meeting in the office the following morning.  I only have one Aberdeen taxi number in my mobile and up until now that has been plenty.  When I asked for one around 8am however I was a little shocked when I was told that the nearest slot they had was '6.15', rather than get into work some 2 hours early I declined their kind offer.  No, luckliy there was a co-worker staying in the staff house that night and being a little more local he had other numbers.

The trip into the office wasn't too bad in the end as we were not travelling in the direction of the Exhibition Centre (I would hate to work next door to that place) and so it only cost us the requisite twenty (again).  The next bit of bad news came as we were waiting for our taxi to the Heliport, we hadn't even begun our trip officially when we heard that instead of our proposed 10am check-in, we had been put back to 3pm!  This being Aberdeen however, this was not communicated to us via official channels.  Oh no, we had to get this from one of our spouses who had been on the internet.  The plan in this instance is of course to make us check in and then wait at the Heliport for a mere 5 hours.

This is, of course, a hangover from the recent incident with Super Puma flights.  As a result the operator we were flying with was sharing their S92's (supposedly a far more reliable chopper, the jury is still out) with a couple of others and as a result of this we were at the bottom of a very deep pile, very much like that errant piece of lego that lies in wait for your unguarded foot.

This provided me with some very useful insights into the current situation regarding flights.  Most flights are still running but there are still a couple of clients who are still not back up and running.  Total had a lot of flights still up on the departure board but they all had 'Cancelled' next to them.  I was later a little confused when they were still announced for check in.  Only after our first aborted attempt to get on a flight (brief watched, suited up, life jackets on, everything checked, last checklist signed off, 'Guys, take your suits off and go back through') we saw the piles of survival suits in there protective wrapping ready for collection.

One by one the flights were called through to pick up their suits and take them out to the waiting 'Executive Taxi'.
In the end we did manage to get on our flight, a mere 7 and a half hours late.  And after one of the most lurid and creepy inductions I've ever had we were ready to go!  
How can an induction be creepy? you may ask.  Well, how else would you describe one during which we were advised about closing boat doors (the ones with the 'Dog' handles) with the epithet 'More Dogging means less Swinging'??!!

Needless to say, I welcomed the sight of my bed, even the top bunk looked very good!


Neil Hannon Rocks!!
 

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